We’ve all heard it, and worse many have believed the lie of “happy wife, happy life.” That single phrase has led to the desolation of a plethora of marriages, both those that have ended in divorce and those which shamble on, a shell of their former selves.
If I could banish that phrase from the collective memory of humanity, I would. However, there’s benefit in people learning it, then realizing why such a philosophy leads only to heartache not only for men, but women also.
Despite what many modern feminists have taught, women don’t need compliant, sycophantic men. Sure, there’s a rather loud element in modern society who claim that’s what they want; they probably believe with all their heart having a man who will do everything they want will make them happy. But it won’t and for good reason.
A study published back in June of 2018 sent a shockwave through the internet as psychology researchers concluded even hardcore feminists prefer men with “benevolent sexism” attitudes.
Many mocked feminists for their cognitive dissonance, while others were worried that some fatal flaw of the female brain had been uncovered. Much ink has been spilled postulating about why women gravitate to these “bad boys.”
What’s interesting is women who do marry and/or mate with such men, and in turn are burned by them (because that’s the inevitable conclusion if the man doesn’t grow the hell up) often don’t return to that type of mentality. Some will try to seek out a wet noodle they can manipulate, thinking the exact opposite of what they had before will lead to eternal bliss, only to find themselves becoming bitter, angry, and resentful.
There’s good reason for all of this. Women need the strength of men. They don’t need men to always give them what they want – none of us should have that, since disappointment and limitations actually lead to happiness and satisfaction. That’s counterintuitive and ironic, I know, but it’s also true.
Many women perceive the “benevolent sexism” in some men as strength, but I argue it’s a simulacrum of masculinity, not the real deal. They silently endure the demeaning, patronizing attitude of these men because safe harbor is provided to them, at least to an extent, but at a high price.
Women who mature beyond that point come to realize what they really want is a man who isn’t “benevolently sexist” or sexist at all, because that is in fact a sign of weakness and insecurity (yes Andrew Tate, I’m talking about you and your kind).
Truly strong men won’t demand their wife be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, but they also will tell her when she’s gone too far on something. They’ll stand up to her when she’s in an emotional tirade and laying into them or going to far with others, but they won’t insult her character, instead providing clear boundaries they hold because they know those are rooted in eternal truth.
Strong men provide safe harbor for the woman they love, without condescension. Instead, they appreciate her feminine strength and what it provides in return. This isn’t a transactional relationship, but one of mutual love and yes, respect. Nobody is keeping score, because both the man and the woman are getting what they fundamentally need.
This isn’t making the wife happy at the expense of the husband, like “happy wife, happy life” teaches. Instead, this is a man and a woman coming together, each bringing their full strength into a marriage, not using the other to gain validation, neither feeling threatened nor taken advantage of.
Those who mock such a thing either haven’t matured to the point where they can appreciate such a relationship, or they’re not healthy enough to understand its benefits. Ironically, an unhealthy man or woman who is in a union where the woman gets what she wants will both feel insecure, unhappy, and dissatisfied, even though they’ll likely blame other factors. They can’t perceive the need for true masculine strength, instead believing men have “had their time in the world” and now they must step aside for women to rule with impunity.
Image via Katarzyna Dzierzynska/Pexels
Steven Symes 