Bitterness and its fruits are all too common these days. You can see it in full display on the internet, where if someone dares voice an opinion someone else doesn’t like, it means blood will be spilled, humiliation will be served, and lives will be ruined. Sadly, such vitriolic behavior isn’t confined to online, with many family bonds, friendships, and other relationships broken up all because bitterness is clung to like some raft in the stormy ocean.
In reality, such an approach doesn’t buoy one up above the fray. Instead, it will drag you down into the depths of despair and unnecessary suffering. Yet so many proudly display their bitterness and toxically encourage others to follow suit, ushering in a social acceptance of the destructive practice.
There’s a deceptively simple remedy for this cultural malady: it’s forgiveness.
For far too many, forgiveness looks like weakness. That certainly was the case with those who had it preached in-person over two millennia ago by a carpenter from a small, insignificant town. After all, what the people thought they needed was military might and liberation from their oppressors, not to turn the other cheek and forgive others of their trespasses.
Yet there are real benefits from the practice of forgiveness. One that’s obvious at least to those of us who don’t walk the Earth constantly bitter but who have interacted with those who do, is that you’re a much more pleasant person to be around.
Bitter people are never fun – in fact, they’re a drag to be around. One of the reasons why is bitterness causes one to turn inward, so everything has to be about themselves instead of anyone else. It goes hand-in-hand with selfishness or perhaps is a form of it. If you’ve ever associated with someone who only wants to talk about themselves, their interests, their life, their struggles, their likes, etc. it’s draining.
Being able to let go after someone wrongs you frees you up to think of others instead of constantly turning your gaze inward.
Bitterness is often expressed as cynicism, another all-too-common condition in our modern world. Thus afflicted, a person will often struggle to form relationships that are meaningful, maybe even any relationships at all, because everyone is suspect and out to get them. After all, when you believe others are dangerous, the last thing you should do is let them get near you, especially emotionally. Considering we humans are built for sociality, this does great harm. There’s a true loneliness epidemic in modern society and it’s killing people.
Speaking of harm, there’s plenty of data explaining the effects bitterness on your health. It really is a trap you don’t want to fall into, and if you do that you need to escape before it’s too late.
Among the negative health effects of bitterness is the flooding of cortisol and other inflammatory hormones into your bloodstream. Because you’re in fight or flight mode constantly, your heart works harder, putting undue stress on it, risking failures. Your immune system is weakened, making it easier for you to get sick and harder to recover. You feel more fatigued, are plagued by tight muscles, headaches, gastrointestinal issues like acid reflux, insomnia, even skin rashes.
Researchers have even found bitterness can contribute to the development of cancer cells in the body. They’ve also tied it to high blood sugar, heart disease, and autoimmune disorders.
In other words, bitterness is hell on your health.
Left unchecked, resentment towards someone or something will subtly metastasize into full blown bitterness. This is why forgiveness is such a powerful tool. When applied properly, which means often, it can cleanse you from what otherwise would be toxic.
Lest someone twist what I’m saying, I’m not advocating for having zero boundaries or letting people walk all over you. The best example of someone who is forgiving is Jesus Christ and in his mortal ministry he showed strong boundaries while simultaneously demonstrating forgiveness and softness for even the most wretched of people in Jewish society at the time. If that seems like a contradiction to you, it’s time to spend serious effort reading the four gospels and other scriptures so you can understand. You can stand up for yourself without becoming bitter and cynical. You don’t have to put up with abuse or mischaracterization of who you are or what you’ve done while simultaneously forgiving the person defaming you. That of course takes effort, but it’s well worth the cost.
As C.S. Lewis said, Christ’s counsel to forgive “seventy times seven” demonstrates that one cannot simply forgive once and that’s enough. Forgiveness is like a muscle we must exercise properly. If you neglect it, the bitterness will build and you will face the reality of existing in that miserable state.
If you’re wondering what the image at the beginning of this post has to do with forgiveness, allow me to explain. This past summer while in Costa Rica I walked into a cathedral that was decorated with gorgeous wood carvings depicting biblical scenes. The one you see shows Abraham about to sacrifice his son Isaac as commanded by Jehovah. Obviously, that was a hard thing for both father and son. There had to be forgiveness between them and towards God for putting them through such an ordeal. It’s an aspect of the story in Genesis I don’t hear discussed much but I think it’s worth considering. After all, what would you do in the same situation? How would you process the event afterward?
Forgiveness is key to escaping the bitterness which is so prevalent in society.
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Image copyright Steven Symes
Steven Symes 